One Month Post-Marriage

Yesterday marked one month of being Mrs. Jillanne Fay Bowler-Veltman. The feeling continues to be surreal. I continue to wander my way through this new territory of relationship statuses, trying to soak in what it all means - or what it doesn't.

Marriage Means a Mental Shift in Your Relationship

Marriage so far has made me feel mentally closer to my husband. Our honeymoon - one week of absolute bliss in the presence of each other, and on my part, away from all contact with anyone else I knew outside of a few phone calls to my parents - meant that we embraced being with each other, and only each other, for a whole week. When we returned from the honeymoon, neither Jon or I felt the need to go and socialize with our regular contacts - we were fulfilled in life existing just with the two of us. 

I've been selfish about my wedding photos. I know people were there, and saw everything that happened. Yet, part of me wants to reserve my marriage - including the wedding - to myself. I want to bask in the glory that is our love, and I feel like I desensitize myself to that feeling the more I share our photos. This is the first time in my life I haven't wanted to share my exciting moments with social media.

It's not that being married suddenly made me love my husband more. It's that being married made my plans for my future with him a reality. I'm not saying everyone needs to get married to feel committed to each other - I felt committed to Jon within weeks of knowing him. If marriage isn't your thing...well, you probably haven't read this far into this blog post. However, what I'm saying is that for me, marriage changes my mind frame. I have committed to spending my life with this man, and I have publicly announced our relationship is worth the effort - every effort - that is required for that lifetime. And he has too. So as long as that effort is there on both ends, being a wife feels fantastic and makes me want to swallow him in tiny pieces so that he can live inside of me.

*Ahem* Onto part two...

Marriage Doesn't Change Your Relationship

The best advice I got on my wedding day came from a friend who just got married in August of 2015. I asked him "so what is married life like?" And he responded "It's the same. Be prepared for a whole lot of the same". And you know what? I am okay with this.

You shouldn't marry a person because you're hoping for marriage to change your relationship. You should marry them because you like the way things are and want to keep what you have.

Being married means we still have small and petty arguments. It means we continue to sit on the couch some nights, being complete zombies and staring at a screen. It means I still get annoyed that Jon puts the teaspoons and tablespoons in the same compartment in the drawer. And it means that he still gets annoyed when I let our coffee table get cluttered with ignored mail and empty envelopes.

Being married also means we still make breakfast together when we have a morning off. It means we still enjoy walking the dogs together on sunny days. It means we still say "I love you" every night before bed. It means we still have amazing conversations we wouldn't have with anyone else - often keeping us up way too late. And it means that we continue to encourage each other to stay on track with our goals.

I'm okay with things staying the same. I can't wait for the same forever.