Dwelling, and the Art of Letting Go

Over the weekend, I was brought to face one of my greater demons: 

I dwell on things a lot.

Even when I know something is in the past, and that's where it belongs, if it gets brought up, I instantly become thrown into a consecutive week of replaying the incident in my mind. Realizing this has lead to another one of my other most hated attributes about myself: 

I'm easily drawn into gossip. 

Even when I know in my heart that I don't need to be a part of a conversation, and can easily suggest I don't want to talk about a person, part of my brain thrives on being able to join in on the secrets being told behind a person's back.

In the past, I've removed people from my life who induce me to gossip. I've avoided socialization for months after being brought into my dwelling state, simply to be able to "get over" something I thought I was already over. I tell myself the environment I'm around is negatively affecting the way I think about people and the way I worry about decisions I've made. The reality, though, is that

I need to be the one in control.

I need to take a look at why I'm drawn to gossip, why I continue to relive the past and play out scenarios that could have changed it, and why I care what others think of how I handled a situation. My decisions are mine alone, and I need to stand up for them. I need to tell people that when I choose to not associate with others, it doesn't mean that I want to incessantly dissect their nature without their awareness. I need to tell people that yes, maybe I didn't handle something in the best way, but with my abilities and knowledge at the time, I did what needed to be done. I need to be proud of those decisions, and stop looking for a way to explain why I made them - to others or myself. I need to stop explaining entirely. It's none of anyone's business, and I know deep down that I've allowed myself to move forward from negativity. I need to stop aiming to demonstrate that negativity to others and allow them to figure it out for themselves.

I need to make more room in my brain to focus on me, where I am, and where I'm headed.

Forget about the rest. Forget about what others are doing. Forget about what's already been done. I'll just do me.

A few months ago, I found a meditation called letting go, which has helped me immensely. I need to remind myself to go back to that place when I start to get dragged into my primitive mental patterns.