Why Asking "What Are You Going to Do With Your Life?" Isn't The Support You Think You're Giving

There's a lot of pressure out there to "be successful", but there's a secret nobody will tell you: success is just as imaginary as a unicorn. I've been seeing a lot of impending changes coming my way in the next year or so. For one, I'm getting married. Second, I'll hopefully be graduated from my University degree. So naturally, there's a lot of questions people are asking me. Questions I don't have the answer for, or even if I do, it's probably none of your business. Here's a few of the most unhelpful questions people can ask as I try to be a self-functioning adult:

When are you having babies?

In a nutshell, I don't have a simple "yes" or "no" answer to this. Nobody should ever be able to have a simple answer to a question like this, and if you do, you can bet you're bottom dollar that the person asking will do their best to make sure it's not so simple.

Whether I give a cliche answer (re: "Not anytime soon, but maybe one day"), or an evasive one (re: "I don't really know if we're going to discuss that right now"), people are already making up their minds as to what I should do with my uterus. 

"Kids are amazing. You'll never really be ready, but it's worth it."

Okay, cool. I should just dedicate the rest of my life to doting on somebody 24/7 because "it's worth it".

"If you haven't made up your mind by now, you just should never have kids"

Because the activity of my uterus is a sensitive case, and everyone should know exactly when it's ready to be fertilized. And then when it is ready, I must have an exact date of conception planned out for it.

And, my personal favourite:

"What's the point of getting married if you aren't having kids right away?"

You know what, good point. I should probably just not spend my time doing something I want to do for myself.

What are you planning to do after University?

I constantly get asked what my degree will get me, and where I'm looking for a job. Currently, I have a great part-time job that I just got in November, and I don't really intend to just go straight into a career with a Management major. Even if I get a piece of paper, finding the right fit for me, and getting myself into a top management role is going to take work. Nonetheless, I still have many people who expect me to somehow have my whole future figured out by the time I put that cap with the tassle on my head. Here's a few gems:

"Well, you're not going to work part-time for the rest of your life, are you?"

Maybe I will. You know, it's fun to not have to spend my whole day in an office when I can enjoy my other interests. Money doesn't buy you happiness, didn't you know? And just in case you're wondering, just because I work part-time doesn't mean I need to take trips to the foodbank to get by.

"Why did you go back to school if you're not in a rush to use your education?"

No offense, but people who don't take post-secondary will never understand the benefit it gives you outside of qualifying you for a job. I love learning for the sake of learning. And really, it's nobody's business what I did with that piece of paper that I spent thousands of my OWN dollars on.

Asking these questions, and then being unsatisfied with the answer only makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. It puts pressure on me that I'm behind the times and need to make some headway in my life to catch up to where I should be. Most of all, it makes me feel like I need to lie when I answer these questions so I can avoid a lecture, and so I tell you that "yes, the day Jon finishes school, we'll try for a baby" or "I'm looking for extra work over the summer". In reality, I don't actually know if I will do any of that and would rather just enjoy the fact that I'm getting married and that for the first time in five years, I will not have to work every weekend this summer. 

The truth is, I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life since the age of sixteen. I'm finally learning to enjoy the moment, and I've surrounded myself with some pretty great people. I have a job I love, a man I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I actually have the energy to do some really cool fun things I've put off my whole life. So asking me to stop for a moment and to think about what's next on my agenda only makes me stop enjoying the moment and freak out about whether or not I'll be happy in my future. Really, though, I'd rather just focus on staying happy now. And I would love for you to join me.

Here's How You Support Somebody who 'Doesn't Know' What They're Going to Do with Their Life:

1. Don't ask them to figure out what they're doing with their life

2. Enjoy actual...life! Really, just live in the moment and enjoy the place that you and your friends are currently in.

3. Accept that not everyone approaches things the same as you, and not everyone is going to want babies just because you think they're awesome (this applies to other things as well)

4. Truly enjoy the fact that people are different and develop differently

5. Offer advice ONLY when asked for it

There, that should get you started. 

Today, I am grateful for the people who allow me to be me, and never once questioned why I have a painting of a dung beetle rolling a ball of poop in my bathroom.

Gratitudes

I am really bad at "living in the moment". I hate the feeling of sitting still and just letting time pass. Sure, down time is nice when I'm too tired and need to sit on the couch and play around on the Internet. But if I have a whole day to do nothing, I feel like I've wasted so much of my time. If I'm not distracted by something or have an "important lazy task" (such as this blog), I go for a nap. And even then, I grind my teeth in my sleep.

I've found myself at a bit of a lull because final exams are wrapping up (okay, I should probably be studying, but there's way better things out there). Doing nothing is becoming increasingly more difficult. I've gone full force into finalizing wedding plans, and I'm getting a little bit sad I'm almost done everything because that means - lo and behold - I have nothing left to do!

I think I've come to the realization I will be a life long student. Learning things and taking on new hobbies seems like a good plan. I would love to have a million projects on the go. I just don't do well standing still.

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A while ago, I started writing gratitudes in my journal when I'm feeling down. I force myself to think of three things I'm grateful for to counterbalance the negativity. I'm not so much down right now as I am feeling "blah", so it's worth putting the effort into.

1. I'm Grateful for my Grandmother's Health

Confession: I haven't called my grandmother in a while. So today, when I called and the phone kept ringing without going to voicemail, I got really worried. Luckily, she called me back within ten minutes and was just as chatty as ever.

2. The Kind of Laughter Where You Can't Breathe

Jon does this to me. I'm so lucky. 

2.5 I'm Grateful for Jon's Advice

I'm sneaking this in with the laughter. Super lucky for this. Sometimes I'm the worst person at taking advice, but I'm glad Jon reminds me to try new things, or go back to things I stopped trying when I need more in my life. I've tried meditation a few times in the last month, and it really did help me take some weight off my shoulders. And stretching on a yoga mat is always a good thing to be reminded to do after hours of studying.

3. I'm Grateful for Freckles

And sunshine. Seriously, the weather is becoming infinitely less depressing, and this means I may not need to resort to a tanning bed prior to travelling to Hawaii! (I'm suuuuuper white and will require SPF 110 regardless). #winning